MARGARET CARRUTHERS

WHAT IS YOUR ADOPTION EXPERIENCE?

I am a wife, mum, and gran aged 65 who was adopted as a baby in 1948. In those years adoptees did not have much information.  I had spent a very short time in a Dr Barnados home (orphanage) about which I can’t remember much.  My adoption was entirely successful and I cannot remember when I was told I was adopted.

Margaret “as a youngster, I still have the teddy bear!!!”

As I grew older, married and had a family of my own, feelings emerged about where I had come from, why my own children had certain characteristics. Eventually I decided to try and trace my birth mother. This was not easy, took eleven years. By the time I had located the family (with a third party contact) my birth mother had died. I found I had seven brothers and two sisters, who I have been in contact with for the past twenty one years. We are so alike!!! My adoptive parents had died before I did my search—I was not looking for replacement parents but had a great yearning to find 'my place'.

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HOW HAS THE ADOPTION EXPERIENCE AFFECTED YOUR POETRY?

Much of my poetry reflects the yearning to belong, to find my place and to challenge others' opinions of adoption who have no first hand experience. Below are samples of my poetry, it was difficult to choose one, there are so many!!!

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PLEASE SHARE A SAMPLE POEM(S) ADDRESSING (INPART) ADOPTION:

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

My tribe is the 'handed over'



not for us the rituals

of a joyous mother at childbirth

she is to spend her life

forever looking back.

THE RIGHT

My arrival was secret

people took decisions, made plans

legal matters were attended to

but who asked me.

I cost four shillings

paid at the court hearing

when I married the license

was seven shillings and sixpence!

Am I commodity rising in value?

or will society pay more

these days for a soul who arrived

in confusion.

Reading this you might think

what a bitter, cynical soul

we have here

you would be sadly mistaken.

For all those rules and regulations

worked to some extent,

I belong to a wonderful family

and have no regrets.

But there was a perpetual longing, 

what about my genes

why am I like I am

I have a right to know.

Do you look like anybody?

are you sick of being told you closely

resemble Great Aunt Ethel,

value it.

Are you prepared that you might

inherit your grandmother’s medical condition

well my friend be grateful

for the knowledge.

What about all those stories passed on

from generation to generation

gold, pure gold, do not discard them

that is not your right.

1^st February 2010

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ABOUT THE POET:

Margaret Carruthers: “I have been writing poetry for nearly 15 years now, it is influenced by nature, my faith, social justice and last but not least my experience as an adopted person. I live in south west Scotland and am at present working on a collection of poems related to my experience as an adopted person. Several of my poems have been published here in the UK.”